Waiting To Exhale: CONFRONTING GRATITUDE & EXHALING

CONFRONTING GRATITUDE & EXHALING

July 10th, 2016
GRATITUDE WEEK 2

Gratitude Week 2 ~ Spouse / Significant Other: July 3rd ~ July 9th

Bob & will be married for 17 years this coming September. Our marriage is not perfect. I don't think ANY marriage is perfect. Marriage is hard. We have gone through MANY obstacles, challenges, and we've climbed problems between us the the size of mountains. There were moments in our marriage before children, we weren't sure we would be able to move past and recover from. Neither of us are prefect. We have each hurt each other deeply. I joke about therapy, but I mean what I say. Get over yourself …. everyone has crap to deal with, individually AND as a couple. A good therapist can help you push through the road blocks in life .... the "stuff" that is stopping you from moving forward. The stuff that is holding you down, in your marriage or individually. A good therapist can help you find clarity, and start to take responsibility and ownership for your own behavior … and understand why …. what you've been doing … IS NOT WORKING. A good therapist can help save a marriage … save a life … save you from yourself. But they can't do that, unless you're willing to peel back the layers and let them see you for who you really are. They can't help unless you allow yourself to be vulnerable, and be willing to roll up your sleeves and DIG DEEP … and work hard. This is individually, and even more difficult in couples therapy. There is NO quick fix …. it takes time and a lot of work . And life is always changing, and just because you fix something previously…. it doesn't mean there will never be obstacles again. It doesn't mean it's ever going to be perfect. If your spouse can DO that … and be willing to go to therapy and reach into the depths of their soul and fight for you … fight for the marriage … and love you so deeply that they sit in that chair of vulnerability and are exposed with their entire heart opened up ….. THEY LOVE YOU like no other ever could. To want more from each other, to expect more from each other, and to work so hard that you can actually get to another level as best friends… well that's a gift.

Bob has always loved me right where I'm at. He has always accepted me for the good and the bad. He's embraced my flaws, and he has loved me unconditionally. He showed me through our own family, what a family is really supposed to be …what it's supposed to feel like with unconditional love, support, and genuine appreciation and respect for each other. He has walked with me right by my side through so many moments in life, where I thought I'd be broken for forever. He helped pick me back up, wiped my tears, allowed me to just "BE" when I needed to, and all along LOVED me … always. We have watched life un-fold with amazement and with disappointment. When others broke my heart … people that should of been there … family… friends… he helped me heal. He is my family … he is a piece of THIS family … our family.

He is an incredible father, who truly loves and cares about his children … and puts them FIRST. He prioritizes them and is present for them. He takes the time for THEM. I see his genuine joy as he watches our children growing and becoming the people they are meant to be. I DO pray he doesn't have a stroke or a heart attack by the time Hope is 13. She is ALL girl and is our little firecracker … his facial expressions are PRICELESS when she comes down with lipgloss on, or she's doing a fashion show with herself and narrating everything. He has NO IDEA what's to come … she has him wrapped around her little finger, "Daddy it's time to wrestle!". And with Hayes, I pray he maintains his patience … as our old soul child lacks a sense of urgency and sometimes Bob wants it done yesterday. I also see him watch Hayes with amazement on how he is mechanically inclined and can solve all 8 of his different rubix/meffert cubes & puzzles within minutes (times himself with each one). He makes it a priority for Faith & Robby to have a legacy … loving them despite them not being here with us. He supports the foundation we have with the Dell family, and has always cared about the things we do. He celebrates and remembers Faith & Robby in our family as their father. He helps me to teach Hayes & Hope how Faith & Robby's lives mattered, and how they have made a difference and touched so many other lives.

I have watched him through heart break and tragic things that happened… things in our own little family… and outside of our family. I watched him protect our family during a time when there was a trauma when Hayes was a baby, and we had very little control over what the outcome might have been. I watched him do everything he possibly could to help me, all while he was feeling completely helpless as Faith was born and died on December 7th, 2007. I watched him as his father came into my hospital room to baptize her, and all he wanted to do was fall into his father's arms but couldn't. I watched him as we tried to pick up the pieces after losing Faith, and he was trying to take care of me instead of himself. I watched him with hope in his eyes again, when we were pregnant with Robby. I watched him each and every time we were in and out of the hospital in labor with him, and doing anything and everything he could to protect ME and our unborn baby. And as we went into labor that final time with Robby on October 28th, 2008, I watched him yell at the doctor and nurses to get me into the O.R. as I was screaming in pain and agony because whether they took the cerclage out or not … Robby was on his way. I watched him having to watch me in the most pain I had ever experienced in my life, and his desire to STOP IT … to make it better … but he had no control. As a husband and a father … that is one of the most excruciating feelings for a man …. to feel helpless and not fix it or make it better for your family. I watched him hold Robby with such incredible sadness and pain. I watched him watching me hold Robby, and me not wanting to ever hand him back to the nurse or say goodbye …to yet another child. I watched him allow me to grieve, as he tried to do the same but was taking care of me. I watched him as we forged forward with our Saint Dr. Benito Alvarez - many meetings and developing a plan … for "if" and when I would get pregnant again … I saw how scared he was … both of us …. but we felt there was no other choice. I watched him as we jumped off the cliff with a blind fold on, and no parachute….praying HARD. I watched him love and care for Hayes in the midst of our storm … and always being an attentive and loving father. I watched him as we walked through Hope's pregnancy scared each and every day of the unknown … scared she would die …. but having faith and hope at the same time. I watched him ….. TAKE CARE OF US … our family. I saw him deflated, heart broken, and beaten down 3 days before Hope was born with family things that happened … because somehow it became about everyone else leading up to Hope's birth and surrounding that time. I saw the JOY in his eyes when Hope arrived … alive … and healthy. We didn't know what would happen. I saw his relief, thinking maybe he will actually sleep now after 8 months of not having any control. I saw him rise above expectations of others and disappointments in life with people … I saw him let go and let it be. You can't change people, and I saw him accept it and leave it right where it was at.

While he has serious "resting face" he is hilarious, and is one of the funniest people I know. We LOVE to laugh together, and have the same sense of humor. He is a smart and an incredibly hard working guy that provides well for his family. He is passionate, and LOVES his work, family, & GOLF. He is humble about his golf game, and is scratch golfer … handicap of ZERO. I keep telling him we need to play the lottery … win … get him a sports psychologist … and go on the Sr. PGA tour :) ! I love Bob very much, and I guess what I'm trying to say is … I am GRATEFUL FOR HIM … for all he is to our family… to me … to the kids … and grateful I've had him as a partner through the peaks and valleys in this life. Life isn't perfect, we aren't perfect, and we will continue to mess up and make mistakes … but I can't imagine walking through the storms that we have … with anyone else. I'm GRATEFUL he loves me the way he does … even with all my flaws and imperfections. Ok, maybe now he'll let me buy those expensive sun glass :) …. KIDDING!

Living out loud … living my truth… and trying to have courage and being fearless all at the same time. I'm telling my story. If it can help others … isn't that what we're supposed to do in this life?