Who We Are......how we got started....

Where do I start.........how did we get to this point in the road.....

We were blessed and gave birth to a healthy baby boy, Hayes Griffin Bubnick on March 21st, 2006 (the day after his due date). He was 8 lbs, 2 0z...and 21 inches long! There were no complications during his pregnancy. We had some minor issues when he was born, but all was good and he was ok! I worked out the entire pregnancy....walked every day and maintained my upper and lower body with my weight training. I was probably in the best shape of my life for his pregnancy! We were so grateful and completely in awe with our little human being! He brought (and brings) so much joy...and the love we felt was what everyone had described.

We're not the type of folks that assume that life is just going to go the way we plan it....that we'll get everything we want and when we want it. We're not the type of folks that don't believe bad things can't happen. If anything, we're the type of people that plan for disappointment-try to plan on not expecting what you really want......so when IT happens or something good happens we'll be pleasantly surprised-and appreciative of what we have. We don't call ourselves pessimists...we call ourselves realists...and perhaps this all comes from an earlier foundation built in life where things didn't go exactly how we thought they would.

I never really dreamed of all the traditional things that so many little girls dream of-nor did I assume all of those magical things would just happen. It didn't mean I didn't want some of those things to happen....I suppose it was just fear that it WOULDN'T happen.....fear of the unknown.....fear of wanting too much.....fear of wanting more than one should ask for-or be given...and was I really deserving. I didn't assume my life would be easy, but I was determined to make good choices...and to make a good life for myself-and hopefully some day have a family...a good, decent, and loving husband.....and children. I know so many people/friends over the years that have lived their lives assuming that certain things would just happen...that life would go exactly as they planned. For some it has....and good for them....for some it hasn't.

I'll NEVER forget when my sister-in-law and brother-in-law (who at the time had 3 kids) hinted and joked to both Bob and I about having kids...the whole when are ya gonna do it thing....you know. I remember looking at my sister-in-law and saying, "Well, I'm not sure if we can have kids". She looked at me with complete surprise and shock and said, "Oh why have you guys had trouble..fertility issues...I didn't know you were trying?". I said, "I'm not sure-we have no idea if we'll have trouble yet...but we're not just assuming we won't". WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT? Just assume they can have 2.5 kids....2.5 years apart.....boy/girl....boy/boy...whatever the preference is..it really doesn't matter. Don't answer that....I really do kind of understand it....but it drives me nuts. Probably how I might drive others nuts...with NOT assuming that all will go as planned! I also think life has to work this way....for people to be naive...and un-knowing of the "bad" that could happen...otherwise...we'd have a whole big world of realists.....where procreation would not be as vast...and life would be a little less assuming. There is something I love and hate about it all at the same time. The "Pollyanna" assumption that life should and could work a certain way. I wonder what life would be like if I was wired that way...maybe I'd smile more-ha ha! Please KEEP IN MIND, I'm a Social Worker...I've studied human behavior....I understand it...I know it...and I can profile it in a matter of seconds. This is MY excuse of seeing deeper into the layers and having the ability to dissect-or the need sometimes so I can better understand. Sometimes it's a blessing....other times maybe a burden-but it's who I am...and I'd rather understand the world deeply...people deeply...all the layers....then to not have that experience in MY life.

Working in child mental health as a Social Worker certainly woke me up to how scary and sad life can be for so many kids. The things I've seen....most people would NEVER want to to know about...let alone see it first hand...by working with them...and to just know some of these kids and their tragic stories. I worked in child mental health, I've worked in residential co-ed with kids of all ages, and a male residential sex offenders unit ages 5 to 17 (the youngest resident there WAS 5). I cherish our youth...and I'm not sure everyone should be a parent given what I've seen. You see I am one of those people that absolutely believe children are a "gift from God"....they're miracles....and it seems in our situation...God made sure we had a better understanding of how much of a blessing they really are! With all of that said, I'm one of those people that still believes in good choices....I believe that there can be "planning" for children before you have them...that preparation and deep desire for a child is important. I could never understand or relate to the phrase, "Oh there's no good time for kids...if you wait-you'll never be ready...there will never be enough money...you need to just have them...etc....etc". More people than I can count said all those things at one point or another to us prior to having children. As if they were giving you permission to not be responsible because perhaps they weren't. Sometimes I wondered if misery likes company in some situations...because many of the people that said this to us.....didn't seem so happy-and seemed to have a few obstacles. I knew enough about myself...and my life with my husband that we wanted to offer as much as we could realistically to our little person...and that's how we wanted to do it. What most of my friends and family didn't know about me is that I yearned for children........I just didn't want to "advertise" it on my billboard....and to me it was the BIGGEST and MOST IMPORTANT thing you can ever do in life....so considering that....I felt it was important to be sure I was ready....to be sure my partner was ready.....to make that little person a priority...not to just fit them into life as our "side dish"....but to make them a priority and to be ready to dedicate ourselves to this magnificent amazing miracle....to do our duty...and to be good, intentful, and present parents.

I guess what I'm trying to say is........we didn't just think life would be easy and that we'd have 2 plus kids with no problems or issues....we prepared ourselves for struggles...but you can never really prepare yourself for the tragedies we experienced...or worse yet some other people's stories that I know-all involving children. We never assumed....nor did we believe we'd just have these things in life.

SIXTEEN WEEKS TODAY

Where do I start!

I've been wanting to do this blog since I first found out I was pregnant. I thought I was motivated..and something was driving me to do it.....to take the time to document this journey. However, it's taken me until now to take a deep breath and have the courage to start typing. I think I was scared....and just couldn't invest the emotions to put thoughts to paper/electronically for fear we'd lose the baby early on....or we'd lose the baby right at the beginning of the danger zone. At this point, I feel like I need to begin this journalism journey to accompany the pregnancy. I also intended this to be a way to update our friends and family on the pregnancy....so hopefully it will be useful in that capacity as well! I think this blog will mostly be for me to vent-to journal-to express myself. I hope that I don't offend anyone or have anyone mis-iterpret anything....it's just going to be a way I can truly express myself and I hope people understand. This is our life...this is our journey...the good and the bad. There are joys, sorrows, and sometimes disappointments...there are times when it's important to be able to express how you feel. Thanks for understanding!

Today I am 16 weeks pregnant! It's been somewhat uneventful....just a couple bumps in the road...and just very scary for us..especially as we entered our 14th week two weeks ago through today. Our danger zone with both Faith & Robby started at the 14th week and proceeded through the 18th week of pregnancy. With Faith, we gave birth to her close to 15 weeks. With Robby, we went into labor with him for the first time at 14 weeks/4 days (this past Wed in gestation comparing with this baby). I was in the hospital for two nights the first time we went into labor and also had a cerclage put in. Post that hospitalization I went into labor 4 more times through week 18 when we gave birth to him.

We did our first "marker" test via blood work and had our neucal fold translucency/ultra sound evaluation. The neucal fold went well (measurements of the baby ok, etc). Although, the blood work came back a week later with a higher chance of Downs. For the average 41 year old the chance of a Downs baby is 1 in 39. My blood work came back at a chance of 1 in 36. I'll have the Quad screening/blood work done this Thursday-and we'll see if the numbers come up any. We have perspective...and it is what it is. We just pray and hope that the baby is healthy and ok...and will remain living, growing, and will thrive inside of me through the full term mark!

The other bump was a spotting situation on a Saturday morning and the following Monday a couple weeks ago. Luckily NOTHING since. The reason why this was threatening to us is because I spotted a very little bit with both Faith and Robby prior to going into labor with each of them. It happened right on the 14 week mark-and it was on cue.....so it was cause for great concern.......but there is nothing the doctors can do! We were just scared. I think the word "scared" is going to be a common theme in this blog........sorry....this is real...and IT IS VERY SCARY for us!

My next doc appt is on the 15th-and as I mentioned the Quad test will be done at the same time. We have our anatomy scan with our other doc at the end of the month....and YES we want to find out if it's a boy or girl. Hayes will attend that appt with us so he can see the baby on the ultrasound and find out the same time we do. He thinks it's a boy...but, he says "she" alot for some reason. We'll see!

I have so much more on my mind and more to share or say I should say....but, I think I just needed to get my feet wet with this crazy blogging stuff..and start to experiment a bit. I still want to add a piece that tells the beginning of our journey...hopefully I'll figure it out!

Happy Saturday night.....Saturdays are a good day for us...it marks each week of completion for us...which is such a miracle to us!

Grateful for WEEK 16......for my husband...and for my lil guy Hayes! We truly feel blessed........mem