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We knew we wanted to try to have more than one child....at some point...and never made the assumption we could...we just desired to do so for many reasons...and after having Hayes...that desire was stronger...perhaps from knowing what it was like to have a child...to feel that bond...the love...and to understand truly what an incredible gift and miracle they are.
Our FAITH
The following will tell the story better than I can at this point.....the first is a letter we wrote following Faith's birth around Christmas time 2007. The second document is the email sent out with regards to Faith's Mass & Burial on her due date - June 4th, 2008.
December 21st, 2007
We first want to wish everyone a healthy and happy holiday and 2008. I normally try to take the time to write everyone a personal note. Unfortunately, I just couldn't get it done this year. We’ve had a difficult and challenging year end in our household, and have faced much loss.
Our first family loss was my job. The company I worked for has been going through many changes. The company was purchased in September, and decided to eliminate the department I ran for 9 years. I was informed of the change at the end of October, and my last day of work was on November 30th. I worked for the company for over 10 years, and we were blessed with such a unique and wonderful opportunity. I professionally grew up with this company, and it was a part of my identity. I was incredibly sad and it was extremely difficult going through this loss. However, with the baby on the way-we tried to look at this change as a blessing in disguise. We were in the process of attempting to embrace the positives, and I was relieved to know that if another job didn’t drop in my lap-that I didn’t have to have the heart breaking experience of separating from my new baby when having to go back to work.
The joyous anticipation of the birth of our baby took a tragic turn, when at 15 weeks and 3 days pregnant one of our worst nightmares came to fruition. On Sunday December 9th, I went into early labor and got to Hillcrest Hospital at 10:20am. Upon our arrival the doctor did two ultra sounds and confirmed that all was fine with the baby. The baby was moving, heart beating, and she was doing good. Unfortunately, the doctor also confirmed that I was indeed in labor, and explained that there was nothing they could do to stop it. On our drive to Hillcrest I knew I was in labor, and Bob and I actually timed the contractions at 2 minutes apart at that point.
Between the labor/contraction pain, the lack of any control-pure helplessness, and anticipating delivering a child that was not going to live, the child that was not going to be the little sister of Hayes, the child that was not going to complete our circle……..was simply excruciating.
My water broke at 12:45pm, and we gave birth to our daughter at 1:23pm. Faith Amolia was perfect with teeny-tiny toes, fingers, and ears. Her hands and feet were similar to Hayes, and she already had her Daddy’s jaw line.
Four hours were spent holding, loving, and bonding with Faith. We have her foot prints and pictures to remember her by. It was heart-wrenching to finally say good-bye and to leave the hospital in the somewhat traditional way of sitting in the wheel chair, and being pushed down the hall way to the outside doors of the hospital while your husband goes to get the car….all except without our baby in my arms.
Faith will be cremated, and we will bury her in the Children’s Cemetery at St. Francis Xavier until one of us dies…and then she’ll be buried with us.
This has been devastating, and I’m not sure we will ever have any answers. Of course our type A personalities have pursued and opted for answers and any information they can obtain. My Doctor indicated that my situation is extremely rare considering my history of pregnancy, the age of the baby, and the fact that the baby was alive, doing well, and thriving. In fact, she said I would have had a better chance to be hit by lightning.
I don’t think we’ll ever overcome the deep sadness of losing her. We will always wonder what her personality would have been like, what kind of sister she would have been to Hayes, what kind of trouble the two of them would have gotten into….the sound, smell, and breath of another child… calling out for “Mama” and “Dada”. Would her little pitter-patter have been different from Hayes? A girl….changing the dynamics of our family….all for the better. Hayes cheated out of knowing and loving his baby sister…..and my arms empty…and my heart broken and lonely.
In Loving Memory of our Baby – Faith Amolia Bubnick
December 9, 2007 - Sunday at 1:23pm
Length: 5 inches & Weight: 1.5 ounces
"We were never to know you before you were gone. Your purpose fulfilled, God called you back home. Even an unborn life must sometimes depart, But I know you were here ... you left your footprints on my heart." ~Margy
May 7th, 2008
Hello Everyone,
We first want to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, and genuine support during such a difficult time. These last few months have been challenging ones, but we are trying to work through the grieving process the best we can.
Faith was cremated after the completion of all the tests and final evaluation. She has been with us since January 21st. We were so grateful to have her back with us, but we know it’s time to put her to rest and give her the peace she deserves. While it will be extremely difficult to let her go, we will bury her on my estimated due date of the pregnancy.
We understand our circumstances are extremely rare, and we’ve really struggled with how to handle everything. Going through the labor process, giving birth to our daughter , and being able to hold her and see her whole and complete body with her tiny fingers, toes, and facial features was a gift. We are extremely fortunate to have her footprints, as well as several pictures so we can remember her always-and have something to hold onto.
We want everyone to know we appreciate everything, and by no means do we want anyone to feel obligated to attend the mass and burial. However, we felt such great support from many of you-and thought it would be appropriate to invite those we love.
If you are able to attend, the following are our plans for the mass and burial:
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Faith Amolia Bubnick
Mass on June 4th, 2008 at 12pm
St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church
606 East Washington Street, Medina, OH 44256
Burial immediately following mass at Spring Grove Cemetery~Babies Section
*Post burial we would like to invite everyone for lunch at our home.
We thank you for your love and support during this challenging time.
Love-Bob, Meme, & Hayes
I’ll Hold You In Heaven
God knew my heart was breaking
How I felt so all alone,
When the angels came and carried you
My precious baby home.
For He let an angel stay behind
When they took you from my arms,
He lingered there to comfort me
Until the break of dawn.
He said God left an echo
To abide within my heart,
That will sing for you sweet lullabies
You’ll hear while we’re apart.
And what a gracious gift I have
To love you as I do,
You adorn my heart completely
With memories I have of you.
My eyes will not stay tearless
For here you could not stay,
But God gave me His promise
I’ll be with you soon one day.
I’ll hold you again in heaven
I’ll hold you in God’s own time,
Yes, I’ll hold you forever in heaven
Sweet precious baby of mine.
After FAITH
When Faith was born, there were multiple tests and blood work done on both of us. The placenta was sent to pathology, and Faith's body was sent for an autopsy to see if there was anything wrong (chromosomal abnormalities...anything that could explain her early birth and demise). The tests came back with revealing nothing...well almost nothing. There were no chromosomal abnormalities-so that wasn't something we could identify as a the reason. The placenta showed some clotting and infarctions, but apparently nothing that was alarming. We met with a specialist within the Cleveland Clinic-he was recommended by my OB/GYN at the time. We met with him for a specialist's consultation. We probably spent about 15 to 20 minutes with him at most. He was extremely clinical in nature and detached (which is expected and we were fine with at the time). The only thing they DID find was that I had a blood clotting gene mutation called Prothombin and it's Heterozygous. We were told that per the research and information medically documented, this particular blood clotting mutation does NOT cause losses or pre-term labor. The typical blood clotting mutation that is identified with losses is Factor V Leiden. Since my blood clotting mutation was different...and we had a healthy almost 2 year old....the doctor simply told us that Faith was a "fluke" and to take a baby aspirin a day the next time...but even that wasn't necessary. He did share that the timing of the loss (2nd trimester) was odd, and that they don't typically see it that often...especially with no chromosomal abnormalities, etc. THIS is ALL HE HAD TO SAY....and he sent us on our way to try and get pregnant again. I remember feeling extremely uneasy leaving his office-and extremely upset. I walked away knowing something was wrong.....but, medically we had doctors at the time that either didn't want to dig deeper..think outside the box....OR didn't know how to. I remember thinking there was a needle in the haystack and they just didn't know how to find it.....and......I didn't believe for one moment that Faith's early birth was a "fluke". I remember walking away with Bob....talking to him about how I felt...but both of us feeling like we did everything we could......all the testing.....the consultation with a specialist....etc. And, with grieving at the same time....we WANTED to believe the doctor....and we wanted to trust him....and trust that nothing would happen if there was a next time. I remember thinking.....I didn't trust the doctor and what he said.....but, that I'd have to put my faith in their theories...but put ALL my faith in GOD...and that maybe HE would carry us through and give us a miracle if there was a "next" time.
Our ROBBY
Despite feeling extremely scared....we decided to try again. We hoped and prayed that the doctor was right...even though it provided little comfort. We put our hope and faith in God....and tried to move forward. We were blessed and so fortunate to get pregnant again-and that in itself was a miracle to us...because we didn't take that for granted either. I kept the same OB I've had for years...she was with me with Hayes...and with Faith...and now this baby. I trusted her and I considered her a friend in a way. I didn't blame her-nor do I blame her today for anything...but I think there are certain doctors that are able to think outside of the box...and not accept the "standard" and even if it's digging just a little deeper...maybe it can make all the difference in the world.
The following are pieces of documents that I sent out to family and friends through the course of my journey with Baby Robby. We were in and out of the hospital in labor with him multiple times. It also just so happens that my Grandfather became ill while I was pregnant with Robby...and my Mother was in town from North Carolina for an entire week before she even told me she had been in Cleveland and was at the hospital with him the whole time. At the time, she said she didn't want to tell me because of the baby, but what she did NOT understand is NOT telling me caused much more stress than knowing he was sick could have ever caused. I share this piece...only because it was an incredibly stressful time...and it marked the eventual passing of my Grandfather. I got to see him in the hospital and then at the nursing home a couple of times...and then he was transferred to hospice on a Friday-I saw him that day...and he died the next day on Saturday. I went with my Mom to the funeral home that Sunday to help her with arrangements...and that was when bleeding/spotting became more significant and I started to feel tighting with the baby. I went into labor the next day for the first time with Robby.
October 23, 2008
Hello Friends & Family,
We wanted to keep everyone informed of what's been happening. We appreciate all your thoughts, prayers, calls, cards, emails, and concern. As most of you know, I went into pre-term labor at 3am on Monday, 10/13. At that moment I was 3 days shy of completing 16 weeks of the pregnancy. The time frame of the labor was just like with Baby Faith (2nd trimester-15/16 weeks), only this time the contractions slowed down a bit-and we were given a chance....we were given a gift.
I was 1cm dilated when we got to Hillcrest Hospital at 4:45am. We had to wait until 9am for the Perinatology office to open so that a specialist could do a sonogram and be able to see what else might be going on. Sure enough, 4 hours and 15 minutes after arrival my cervix was opened almost completely but not all the way effaced. The docs in Perinatology took the lead quickly and decided they would do an emergency cerclage, and begin a 48 hour cycle of a medication called Indicin which has been revealed through research to help women in earlier gestation to sometimes stop labor. They told us that if nothing was done, that my body would continue to labor and we would deliver our baby and the outcome for the baby would of course be fatal. They also told us there was no guarantee because my body could continue to be in labor, regardless of any medical interventions attempted. We also understood that a cerclage is not a traditional treatment/solution for pre-term labor. However, we wanted them to do anything possible-and to be aggressive with any treatments they could try in order to save the baby.
Fortunately, the operation was successful and they were able to put the cerclage in with little difficulty. The risks at that point, and in moving forward were: 1) cerclage wouldn’t work and my body would continue to be in labor/deliver baby 2) the medication wouldn’t work-and my body would continue to be in labor/deliver baby 3) Extremely high risk for infection since the cervix was open-and at any given time I could get an infection and that would be fatal for the baby because it would provoke labor/delivery with no ability to turn back/prevent it 4) Overall, my body just may continue to go into labor on its own regardless of the medical interventions executed 5) If I go into labor and we don’t get to the hospital in time, the stitching can rip the cervix-then the cervix is damaged.
We were so fortunate that my body seemed to react favorably to one, if not both of the interventions-and I was discharged from the hospital on 10/15 with no sign of infection-or any contractions. The next test we had to get through was leaving the hospital on Wednesday-and being off all medication.
I was discharged on 10/15 with orders of strict bed rest (only allowed to go to the bathroom, no driving, no going anywhere but doc appts, bed/couch-and stairs 1x in am-and then again at night-laying down or sitting up angled only a bit), and had a follow up appt with the doc scheduled for Friday, 10/17. I had signs of cramping all day on Friday, but no contractions. At that point, the doctor prescribed a weekly injection called P17/Progesterone. This is a controversial treatment that has been proven to help women with pre-term labor. The doc wanted me to start the injections ASAP-but it was after 5pm when they faxed it to the Aetna pharmacy (not readily available at your local pharmacies). Thus, we’d have to wait until Tues, Wed, or Thurs when Aetna could finally ship it.
Unfortunately, I went back into labor/contractions on 10/18, Saturday early morning at 4am. We spent the day at the hospital and they were able to try a third medication that day around 1pm, and finally the contractions subsided after 10 hours. At that point, they believed that the third med (Procardia) helped with stopping the labor-so they prescribed it on-going. We were happy about this-because we felt that med did help-and doing something was better than nothing. Procardia is normally used as a heart med. Recent studies have shown that this med can also help calm the uterine muscle (both the heart the uterus are similar smooth muscles). They also indicated that he Procardia could be used in partnership with the P17 shots-so this also made us happy.
This past Monday/Tuesday we had another scare with bright red bleeding. We went to my OB’s office on Monday with no real answers but indication through an exam that the cerclage was still in place. On Tuesday the bleeding continued and we went over to Hillcrest/Perinatology, and the specialist determined through a sonogram that there was a blood clot near the cervix-near the bottom area of the baby/placenta but not sure if it’s within the sac with baby-or outside. This was somewhat good news, because it was determined that this is where the blood was coming from. In other words, it wasn’t blood from being in labor or the cervix ripping from the stitches, etc. In addition, the cervix looked great and was not shortened, stitches in place, and the baby was wonderful-heart beating strong-and it appeared as though he was running in place-wanting to let us know he’s a fighter and he’s strong. YES-IT’S A BOY!!!!
I DID get my P17 injections/package in the mail on Tuesday-and the nurse was able to give me my first weekly shot. This was a big relief considering it can potentially help prevent the labor/contractions. A home care nurse will be coming out weekly to do the injections and take all vitals, as well as check on the baby’s heart rate/fetal monitor.
That brings us through today, 10/23-Thursday. Today completes our 17th week of pregnancy!!! We have been given so many miracles since everything started on 10/13 with this baby. We truly believe that everyone’s prayers have helped get us to this point. Baby Faith didn’t have the same chance as this baby. When I got to the hospital with her, it was too late-and I delivered her within 3 hours of arrival. While this journey has been difficult and we’re extremely scared……we have nothing to complain about….we’ve been given so much more than we had with Faith. We would do anything we could to save this baby, and I’d be happy to stand on my head for the next 17 weeks plus. My due date is April 2nd, but the hope would be to keep this baby alive and well inside of me through AT LEAST February 5th.
The doctors have made it VERY clear that there is no guarantee that any of the interventions will work, and that realistically my body could very well go back into labor and not stop; which I would then have to deliver the baby. At this point in gestation, the baby has no chance of survival. Realistically, an infant doesn’t have a decent chance of surviving until week 26. With that said, the baby would most likely have incredible physical, cognitive, and developmental problems-along with just the pure struggle of staying alive and surviving.
We are hoping and praying for continued miracles for this baby. We are praying that the contractions/labor do not come back. We are praying that my cervix stays shut with no change. We are praying that things stay calm-and that the blood clot won’t affect anything negatively. We are praying that the baby remains to be a fighter-and that his heart continues to beat strongly-and that he is healthy and lacking in nothing. We are praying that I go to term-and if not go as long as possible so that this baby has a chance. We are praying that we have the right doctors/medical team-and that all interventions will work successfully.
Many of you have asked a good question, why is this happening again-have they figured out what is causing me to go into labor so early? They don’t know why. In fact, as indicated with Faith-and even more so now….all the docs that have been involved to this point have told us over and over how extremely rare this is-and it’s not something they ever see. Why is it rare? 1) My history of a healthy pregnancy problem free to full term gestation 2) Pre-term labor happening during the 2nd trimester during the 15/16 week-is not common 3) Nothing was wrong with me per all the testing they did (no infection-no major diseases-etc) 4) Nothing was wrong with Faith-we had an autopsy done on her-and there were no chromosomal issues-no organ problems developmentally-no heart problems-etc.
During all my meetings with my OB previous to this pregnancy/after Faith, the discussion was-and her hope was that the situation with Faith would be one time thing. That’s because they never found anything wrong with me or Faith, which was good news. Yet at the same time, it meant there was nothing they could do because they didn’t know what happened. My doctor originally told me after I lost Faith, that I would have had a better chance to be hit by lightning-and it just didn’t make sense-they just didn’t see this type of thing. Well, now we’ve been hit by lighting twice-except the big difference is that this baby has been given a chance.
We are taking it minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. Each minute we have with this baby inside of me is a good one. We truly believe God has intervened, and we are hoping the miracles will only continue. Please keep praying, it makes all the difference in the world for us.
I know I’ve been delayed at getting back with some folks, and I apologize. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your cards, emails, phone calls, and visits. I promise I’ll start getting back with people SOON. We are hoping everything will calm down-and I’ll be on true bed rest without trips to the hospital every 3 to 4 days!
Thank you for all your concern and support! I’m not going anywhere-so feel free to call or email anytime!!! Bob and I are still debating over names-hoping to pick one SOON!
Love-Meme (& Bob)
November 1, 2008
Dear Family & Friends,
We struggle in finding the right words for this letter and update regarding our baby boy………Robby (Robert Carl III). It’s probably easiest for me to first bring everyone up to speed on this past week overall.
We ended up going back into labor/contractions this past Saturday night/Sunday (10/25 & 10/26). We got to Hillcrest Hospital early Sunday morning, and they were able to once again stop the contractions after eight hours with a terbutiline injection. This was one of the interventions they tried the Saturday before (at the hospital) that didn’t work. We were fortunate to have some familiar medical team faces when we were there-with knowing my history. Dr. Alvarez was on that morning-so it was extremely helpful in allowing us to walk away with yet another ounce of hope, encouragement, and a new discharge plan with a different set meds that could potentially help (Terbutiline oral PRN when contractions on-set). We were also told that the bright red bleeding would probably persist because of the clot they saw on the ultrasound machine on 10/21. We thought part of the clot had already worked itself out a few days earlier, but they said it would be normal to have the bleeding persist to some degree.
Monday night (10/27), we went to bed feeling thankful and blessed for having one more day with Robby with peace for the moment, the ability to breathe, no major events, no contractions, and no trips to the doctor or hospital. After going to bed at 11pm that night, a severe consistent stabbing pain (in the uterine area) woke me up at 1:15am (Tuesday, 10/28). It was a pain and a feeling that I had never experienced…….it wasn’t cramping….it wasn’t like a contraction-it was just a severe constant stabbing pain. I didn’t want to wake Bob up right away, so I got up and took a terbutiline pill-layed back down and prayed and prayed and prayed that it would stop…..prayed that the baby was ok….prayed that this wasn’t my placenta doing something wrong…….….prayed that it wasn’t my cervix……….prayed that the stitch stayed closed-and that it wasn’t anything to do with that……prayed that he would give this baby life on earth-prayed for the biggest miracle of all……….prayed for God’s mercy-and help for this baby……..prayed for him to save this baby and wait to be born in a time frame where he could survive. After 15 minutes the pain was just as intense as it was prior-I got back up put on a decent shirt-brushed my teeth-washed my face-and prepared myself as I did the times prior in the middle of the night to potentially go to the hospital. I laid back down trying to give the medicine the benefit of the doubt-and that was when Bob woke up. I told him what was going on-but I needed to give the meds a chance to work. We waited in bed still in pain-and finally about 30 minutes later the pain subsided-although I could still feel a slight line of irritation on the right side/area of my abdomen/uterine area. We tried to go back to sleep and managed to do so until we both woke back up at 5:30am and I took my dose of procardia (the other med I was taking for pre-term labor)-and then took another terbutiline in attempts to prevent any pain that might be coming again. The feeling/pain was slight at that point-and it appeared that the terbutiline helped and worked-again we were grateful.
We actually went back to sleep for a little longer-and started our day about an hour later on Tuesday, 10/28. I called Dr. Alvarez’s office at 8:30am to report the pain and find out what I should do. I received a call back from the nurse-she took the information-and then called back after talking to the doc. Since the pain was being managed at that point-and I seemed ok-it didn’t appear that any intervention was needed. They suggested to continue the terbutiline and report anything if I experienced any changes. The home health care nurse came out at 9am to give me my second P17 injection (another med that has been proven to help stop pre-term labor). She listened to the baby-he was good-and all seemed fine with me except what I reported from the night before.
My last dose of terbutiline was taken at 5:30am, and I wanted to refrain from taking it if I didn’t have any pain-just because the side effects are somewhat intrusive (racing heart, hands shaking, king of like feeling you’ve had 10 triple lattes from Starbucks). My pain level was pretty much a zero-except I could feel the slight line of discomfort in the same area from the night prior. I was in ok shape until about 2:20pm, and I started to feel some of the pain again-in the same exact place. About 2:30 the pain became more intense-and between 2:30pm to 2:45 the pain scale jumped from a 1 to a 10. At 2:45, it was obvious that I was having contractions-they were intense-and they were 2 minutes apart. I called Bob-and he prepped to come home-then I called the doctor and they sent a message for the same nurse to call me back. The nurse called back-and of course told me to come in to the office (which Dr. Alvarez’s office is right at the hospital-and it’s the perinatology office with eh high tech ultra sound machine, etc). Bob came home to get me, and we made it to the office at 4:30pm. At that point, the contractions became even more painful and intense and remained anywhere from 1 to 2 to 3 minutes apart.
Before leaving, and on our way to the hospital we did what we had done each of the three times prior in the past two weeks (5 times including the doc visits when we were concerned-and thought we might have to go the hospital): 1) we called Grandma LoLo to get Hayes (as she did each time-most of the times in the middle of the night-THANK YOU MOM & DAD) 2) we made sure we had the camera with us in case we delivered the baby we could take pictures (which we didn’t have or even know to do with Baby Faith) 3) we called the grandparents to let them know I was having contractions again-on our way to the hospital 4) we called the Wash family to ask for their prayers 5) we talked to each other to get on the same page-we prayed together-and prayed individually 6) we played the CD that my brother-in-law Tommy so kindly made for me from Audrey Caroline’s blog (Angie Smith who lost her baby)-worship music that brought such great comfort to me after the loss of Faith and in the present at that point during our time of healing and hope 7) each morning I made sure (not knowing what the day would bring) I put on my “Faith” & “Hayes” necklace along with the Miraculous Medal of Mary necklace that Mom/Lois gave to me at the beginning of my bed rest-a Novena to the baby to protect. Putting on my necklaces each morning probably compared to a sports fan thinking if you did the same ritual nothing would go wrong-that YOUR team would win-that it seemed to work before-so keep the same behavior in pattern-that putting on both necklaces each morning would make the baby and me ok…that Mary would protect us……….that Faith was watching down from heaven lending her support……….that the miracle of Hayes could give us hope for another great miracle in life 8) Bob put on his strong face each time and tried to remain positive for ME……..he tried to take on the fears and burden at that moment..........and put all of it on his back so I could focus on getting through the pain. All of this is what we did EACH time we went to the hospital/Doctors.
When we arrived at the office I hoped that not many people would be there given my display and displeasure with the pain. Oddly enough, only two people were there-and as I was wheeled in-it happened to be a gal in our perinatal loss support group and her mother (she is pregnant due in January). This was significant given our involvement in the support group to date (never missed a meeting until bed rest), and knowing and supporting each other through each of our losses. We both cried-and I explained to her I was yet again having contractions. She was a source of good distraction-and helped some of the time pass. I was taken back about 5:30 to see Dr. Alvarez. He did an ultrasound and the baby looked great-heartbeat was great-and the cervix from the inside also looked good. All good news. He knew and could see in my behavior that the contractions were different this time-more painful than before. He did an exam with the scope-and stitches were all in place. While doing the exam and looking at the ultrasound machine, a decent amount of bright red blood came out of me-causing the doctor to be and look somewhat puzzled and concerned all at the same time. Because everything looked good-he was unsure as to what was happening-and after the blood-he knew there was something going on that they hadn’t detected yet. He ordered us to go to Labor & Delivery immediately-and I was to get an IV with saline and an antibiotic. He also wanted me to have an immediate injection of the terbutiline. He ordered a clean cath test on my urine-because he thought there may be an infection that had not been detected yet (hoping might be the cause).
By the time we got up to L&D (6:15pm)-the contractions moved from a pain scale of 1 to 10 to eventually a 20 in my book. Unfortunately, there were no familiar medical faces this time around, and the nurses didn’t understand what was going on-even though we tried to articulate as quickly as possible what we thought was happening. They had a difficult time finding a vein-and couldn’t get the iv in-then the house doctor that was on that evening came in and said she was waiting for a call back to get the update-even though we tried to tell her the specifics. After the doctor left, and what seemed to be a lifetime of pain-contractions rolling on top of one another-I felt a big “pop”. I immediately told the nurses and one went to get the doctor. We weren’t sure if it was a stitch that popped-but then my water broke. At that point, we knew what was going to happen……..what had to happen……….the inevitable. Bob immediately started crying-and yelled at the nurses to get the doc and to get the stitch out NOW (otherwise my cervix would rip-and be damaged). The doctor stepped back in at that point-and we both told her I needed the stitch out NOW. They wheeled me into the OR at 6:55pm-and shortly after they gave me an epidural-then the doctor cut the stitch. In my life time, I never felt that kind of pain-the contractions (I was told later that the pain is worse because of the cerclage). I was out of it-but Bob knew our plan…….the doctor asked if I wanted to be put to sleep and I said absolutely not. She asked Bob during the process if we wanted her to take the baby then (while taking out the stitch), and he explained to her we did not-and that I wanted to deliver my baby. She shared that the chord was prolapsing-and that the placenta was actually separating (which isn’t normal-and some of the pain must have been because this was happening as well). The baby more than likely passed when this occurred (placenta detaching).
When they were done with the procedure and after she cut the stitches out-she said my cervix immediately dilated to 4 cm. They took me from the OR into a normal L&D room-where we waited to give birth to our baby. Because of all the meds in my system to try to stop the labor-it didn’t happen immediately. The house doc at that time talked to Dr. Alvarez-and she came back in and told me that he was on his way to the hospital so he could deliver the baby for us (which is what we so desperately wanted). For those of you that don’t know, Dr. Alvarez happened to be the house doc the day Faith was born-he delivered her-and was one of our gifts that day. They checked my cervix around 8pm and I was 7 cm dilated. Dr. Alvarez came at 8:20pm, he checked me-and then asked me to go ahead and push-and at 8:35pm we gave birth to our baby boy….Robby.
Because the placenta was detached it ended up coming out at the same time as the baby (which normally doesn’t happen that way-it’s a separate birthing process for the placenta). Immediately, the doctor noticed that the placenta didn’t look right….and even from our view point-Bob and I could see that there was something wrong with it (from seeing Hayes’ & Faith’s placentas). The doctor indicated that the placenta looked aged-and had clotting all over it (it’s supposed to look smooth and fresh). At that point, he determined that clearly something went wrong with the placenta, which more than likely was the cause of all the problems. This was a huge indicator given that we had no clue what happened with Faith……and that all the testing came back fine (including the placenta pathology from her). Of course, the process would be to run a tissue sample on the placenta-as well as pathology. These tests only indicate so much though-but should show if infection and some other specifics were present. If nothing shows (infection) on the pathology-the doctor is left having to do his own investigation of guessing and trying to figure out what happened.
When the doctor examined the baby-he appeared to be fine-and all was good with him-no obvious or overt notations or anything wrong with him. The medical staff stayed with us for a moment of time……Dr. Alvarez stayed with us for some time as well. Everyone was really kind at that point, and Dr. Alvarez was more than we could ask for-he was once again a gift to us in the midst of a very bad storm.
We spent about 30 minutes alone with Robby before the grandparents arrived (we called them to come up). Lois & Bob came up-and Dad baptized the baby for us. Mom held him-and their presence was so important to us-so important in validating Robby-and the only opportunity they would ever have to meet him. Dad & Charlene came up a few minutes after the Bubnicks left, and they too spent some time meeting Robby….and being there for us and supporting us. Charlene held him and talked to him so sweetly-kissed him and told him how much she loved him. I think everyone was so amazed on how perfect he was……how perfect he looked……….he was just small. He was 2 ½ weeks older than his sister…..and even that time duration made such a big difference in his maturity. His head was more in proportioned to his body, he had full cheeks (I hadn’t been skipping any meals), he had complete details of all his facial features, he was long, he had big hands and big feet like both his brother and sister, he had the wonderful Cerrito toe-where the second toe is longer than the bigger one-like mine, he had EVERYTHING, little nails, little toe nails, face perfect. He looked like Hayes to both of us-and he had Bob’s lips-my cheeks already. He had Hayes’ nose. We couldn’t believe how big his feet were though-and we knew he would have been a big baby.
We took our own pics with the camera-and tried to do the best we could before time started taking him. I had the nurses call an organization called, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS)-which is a non-profit national organization that professional photographers volunteer their time for-and actually go to the hospital when called to take pictures of the baby and family to give the parents something to have and hold onto for the rest of their lives. Dale Kincaid out of Broadview Heights was our photographer, and couldn’t have been any nicer or any more appropriate. He arrived at 10:15pm, and he spent over 1 hour ½ with us and the baby-and really worked hard to capture Robby for us. He even took pics while they did his foot prints-and covered as much as he could. They are very careful to be sure the photos are appropriate and tasteful………..all done in black and white-and air brushing applied, etc. We were so fortunate to have Dale take the pictures.
After Dale left, we both took our time with Robby together and separately until 2am. At that time, we were both exhausted-and Bob was ready to pass out (taking on the worries for both Robby-and for me the whole time). After Bob went to sleep, I kept the light on near my bed staring at Robby until 4am. I knew once I turned the light off……..once I went to sleep……that more time would pass………..and by the time I woke that morning…………he would be even more changed…….he would be slipping out of my hands………he would be leaving me. Robby got to sleep with me-and I kept him in my arms and next to me until the morning. The night nurse was wonderful, and she did take Robby for a little bit to get more pictures-and complete a memory box for him. When she brought him back he had a little tiny hat on, and a little tiny baby shirt on-in which she took some photos of him. She gave us the box in the middle of the night when I was still awake, and I waited for Bob to look at it.
We woke up around 8am-both out of it-and both devastated. Dr. Alvarez was in to check on me first thing that morning before office hours. We discussed the time frame for a follow up visit, and for my absolute need and desire to get to the drawing board and figure out what happened-and the quest to try to get some answers this time. He was extremely supportive, understanding, and in agreement with this pursuit in trying to figure out what went wrong. He and my other docs assured me that what happened with Faith, and now Robby had nothing to do with my age.
Two of the nurses, Sandy & Michelle from Dr. Alvarez’s office came over to see us that morning-and met the baby. Dr. Fisher (my primary OB) called that morning to express her sympathy. We talked about the details of the situation, and she made a good point. Since Robby was 2 ½ weeks older than Faith-and was kept inside of me only because of medical interventions with the cerclage and the various medications……..she wondered if Faith’s placenta might have looked the same way if we were able to maintain her longer. This was a significant point; although none of the tests done on Faith or me at the time revealed anything. My gut is telling me that since infection never showed with Faith, with her placenta, or with me at the time…….even though Robby’s placenta was a mess-obviously had something wrong with it……….I just wonder if anything will show given that they only test for so many things. We are praying that Robby’s life might justify his death in at least revealing what went wrong this time (what went wrong last time). Again, the docs indicate that they so rarely see my situation-given my history and pregnancy with Hayes. None of it makes sense to them-and it’s a mystery.
Bob and I took the time to go through the memory box that was made for us-and went through every detail while I held Robby in my arms. They did an un-official birth certificate for Robby with his weight, height, and other details. They made up hospital bands with his name on it, there was a poem in the box, and then another small card with a poem-and behind that they had his beautiful foot prints on three spots on the front and back. There was also a tiny baby blanket and hat under everything. Earlier that night I received a hand knitted pastel color (tiny blanket with a bow) made my “Threads of Love” (another volunteer/non-profit group that donates the blanket). That morning Carol Hurst came in to see us and spent a moment. Carol is a nurse at Hillcrest, and helps to run the support group with Casey for perinatal loss that we’ve been attending since Faith passed. She brought us a “Peace Bear” which is another non-profit organization that a Mom & Dad started after losing their daughter, and wanted to help other parents in easing some of their pain. The bear is meant for a Mom to hold onto while leaving the hospital and thereafter so their arms are not completely empty.
After my blood was drawn (to do more tests) on Wednesday (10/29), we got to spend the rest of the morning with Robby. We handed him over to the nurse almost exactly 15 hours later at 11:30am. I was wheeled down to the lobby just like with Hayes, and just like with Faith-but without anything in my arms, and then now with Robby…but this time holding onto the bear and with the memory box in my lap. Handing another baby over and not being able to take him home was devastating. We felt like we were abandoning our son…..that we were leaving him. The bear was a wonderful thing to have, but it was the most difficult time-and as I waited for Bob to pull up with the car-and the nurse was behind me-I had stopped crying-and took a deep breath…until a man walked in and walked by me with an infant car seat. At that point, I lost it-and broke down the entire way home.
We apologize, because we didn’t have the energy or ability to call everyone-or email any sooner than this. We’ve spent Wednesday night through today-Saturday trying to figure out how to cope-how this happened again-how to grieve….now losing our second baby…when we were told Faith was a fluke from what they could tell……that I had a better chance to be hit by lightning…..that sometimes things happen that can’t be explained……but we would hopefully be ok the next time. We trusted in that and tried to embrace that THIS baby would be ok. My gut and my heart told me something different the whole time, but I put my trust in God, the doctors, and tried to be sure I did exactly what I was told-and took care of myself for the baby.
They expedited the autopsy and Waite & Son Funeral Home in Medina actually picked Robby up Wednesday night. We talked to the gentleman we worked with before for Faith’s burial-and asked if we could work with him once again. We signed the paper work for cremation on Thursday afternoon, and believe it or not-they called us at 3:30pm yesterday (Friday) and told us they had our son back and he was ready to be picked up. Bob picked him up right away, and he’s been back with us since 4:30pm yesterday. This was a huge gift-because we waited for Faith for almost 1 ½ months from the other funeral home. At this point, we’ve decided to bury Robby with Faith, each of them having their own box in the ground with their remains-and a couple of other things. We’ll have to get a new headstone-and we’ll put both their names on it with their dob/dod. We would like to do the same thing we did with Faith’s service-and have a private mass, and bury him on his due date, 4/2/09.
We will pursue everything we can in trying to find out what went wrong-and what can be done at this point to fix it. The thought of going through this a third time….of losing another baby in the same way-delivering my baby-holding my baby-and having to say goodbye to my baby is unbearable and I don’t know that we can take a risk in this happening all over again. However, we’d like to pursue things leaving no stone unturned. One reason being selfish in nature on our part……and that is the desire and pure desperation for wanting another child………..wanting Hayes to have a sibling……….to be a big brother, the other reason is not as selfish…….and that’s the desire and need to not have Faith and Robby’s deaths be for nothing. The desire to honor them, and to do something for them considering what they went through-and to make a difference for them.
We thought our hearts were broken before………….while we knew life could always be worse…and we made sure we were aware and appreciated everything we had and have…………we are left this time with a different kind of hopelessness………..an uncertainty of how life is going to be now………feeling beaten up and truly sick…….and praying for peace….praying for answers…..and praying for balance for our family.
Hayes has been through a lot these past three weeks, but he understands as much as he possibly can at his age. Grandma LoLo & PaPa were significant in the care of Hayes during our chronic trips to the hospital and the on/off contractions-and Mom tried to make things normal for Hayes-and gave him oodles of attention-THANK YOU! Hayes and I started listening to the heart monitor weeks ago (even though you couldn’t hear the heart on my monitor), BUT we could ALWAYS hear Robby moving-especially when I pressed on my tummy to wake him up. It was a ritual every night-and most mornings that we had with him. Hayes referred to him as “the Baby” until we found out his sex…….and then it was “Baby Brother”. We picked up Hayes from Lois & Bob’s house Wednesday on our way home from the hospital, and as I cried when I was hugging LoLo before leaving……..Hayes said in only the way a 2 ½ year old can, “Mommy sad……mommy crying”……….then went on to look me in the eyes and started smiling at me-and laughed. I asked him if he was trying to get me to smile…..and he said, “yes mommy smile”. We went to the store to get not only a “Baby Faith pink” (as Hayes now refers to the color pink whenever he sees it) balloon, but now a baby blue balloon for Baby Robby. Hayes got his normal red (which is what I get him when we do a balloon for Faith). We took both balloons to the cemetery to Faith’s spot-and we said a prayer for both babies-we asked Faith to look after her little brother-and we prayed that he was safe and would be safe in God and Jesus’ arms. Hayes released Faith’s balloon first, then released Robby’s balloon.
In Loving Memory of our baby - Robert ("Robby") Carl Bubnick III
October 28, 2008 Tuesday at 8:35pm
Length: 7 1/2 inches & Weight: 6.3 ounces
Thank you to everyone for your support, love, understanding, cards, gifts, meals, flowers, emails, and for YOUR PRAYERS. We don’t know what we’d do without the support from our family and friends. We’ve also been so fortunate to have some really great doctors and nurses through all of this.
Love,
Bob, Meme, Hayes, Baby Faith, & Baby Robby
ROBBY'S BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT - sent out with Christmas cards 2008
Our FAITH
The following will tell the story better than I can at this point.....the first is a letter we wrote following Faith's birth around Christmas time 2007. The second document is the email sent out with regards to Faith's Mass & Burial on her due date - June 4th, 2008.
December 21st, 2007
We first want to wish everyone a healthy and happy holiday and 2008. I normally try to take the time to write everyone a personal note. Unfortunately, I just couldn't get it done this year. We’ve had a difficult and challenging year end in our household, and have faced much loss.
Our first family loss was my job. The company I worked for has been going through many changes. The company was purchased in September, and decided to eliminate the department I ran for 9 years. I was informed of the change at the end of October, and my last day of work was on November 30th. I worked for the company for over 10 years, and we were blessed with such a unique and wonderful opportunity. I professionally grew up with this company, and it was a part of my identity. I was incredibly sad and it was extremely difficult going through this loss. However, with the baby on the way-we tried to look at this change as a blessing in disguise. We were in the process of attempting to embrace the positives, and I was relieved to know that if another job didn’t drop in my lap-that I didn’t have to have the heart breaking experience of separating from my new baby when having to go back to work.
The joyous anticipation of the birth of our baby took a tragic turn, when at 15 weeks and 3 days pregnant one of our worst nightmares came to fruition. On Sunday December 9th, I went into early labor and got to Hillcrest Hospital at 10:20am. Upon our arrival the doctor did two ultra sounds and confirmed that all was fine with the baby. The baby was moving, heart beating, and she was doing good. Unfortunately, the doctor also confirmed that I was indeed in labor, and explained that there was nothing they could do to stop it. On our drive to Hillcrest I knew I was in labor, and Bob and I actually timed the contractions at 2 minutes apart at that point.
Between the labor/contraction pain, the lack of any control-pure helplessness, and anticipating delivering a child that was not going to live, the child that was not going to be the little sister of Hayes, the child that was not going to complete our circle……..was simply excruciating.
My water broke at 12:45pm, and we gave birth to our daughter at 1:23pm. Faith Amolia was perfect with teeny-tiny toes, fingers, and ears. Her hands and feet were similar to Hayes, and she already had her Daddy’s jaw line.
Four hours were spent holding, loving, and bonding with Faith. We have her foot prints and pictures to remember her by. It was heart-wrenching to finally say good-bye and to leave the hospital in the somewhat traditional way of sitting in the wheel chair, and being pushed down the hall way to the outside doors of the hospital while your husband goes to get the car….all except without our baby in my arms.
Faith will be cremated, and we will bury her in the Children’s Cemetery at St. Francis Xavier until one of us dies…and then she’ll be buried with us.
This has been devastating, and I’m not sure we will ever have any answers. Of course our type A personalities have pursued and opted for answers and any information they can obtain. My Doctor indicated that my situation is extremely rare considering my history of pregnancy, the age of the baby, and the fact that the baby was alive, doing well, and thriving. In fact, she said I would have had a better chance to be hit by lightning.
I don’t think we’ll ever overcome the deep sadness of losing her. We will always wonder what her personality would have been like, what kind of sister she would have been to Hayes, what kind of trouble the two of them would have gotten into….the sound, smell, and breath of another child… calling out for “Mama” and “Dada”. Would her little pitter-patter have been different from Hayes? A girl….changing the dynamics of our family….all for the better. Hayes cheated out of knowing and loving his baby sister…..and my arms empty…and my heart broken and lonely.
In Loving Memory of our Baby – Faith Amolia Bubnick
December 9, 2007 - Sunday at 1:23pm
Length: 5 inches & Weight: 1.5 ounces
"We were never to know you before you were gone. Your purpose fulfilled, God called you back home. Even an unborn life must sometimes depart, But I know you were here ... you left your footprints on my heart." ~Margy
May 7th, 2008
Hello Everyone,
We first want to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, and genuine support during such a difficult time. These last few months have been challenging ones, but we are trying to work through the grieving process the best we can.
Faith was cremated after the completion of all the tests and final evaluation. She has been with us since January 21st. We were so grateful to have her back with us, but we know it’s time to put her to rest and give her the peace she deserves. While it will be extremely difficult to let her go, we will bury her on my estimated due date of the pregnancy.
We understand our circumstances are extremely rare, and we’ve really struggled with how to handle everything. Going through the labor process, giving birth to our daughter , and being able to hold her and see her whole and complete body with her tiny fingers, toes, and facial features was a gift. We are extremely fortunate to have her footprints, as well as several pictures so we can remember her always-and have something to hold onto.
We want everyone to know we appreciate everything, and by no means do we want anyone to feel obligated to attend the mass and burial. However, we felt such great support from many of you-and thought it would be appropriate to invite those we love.
If you are able to attend, the following are our plans for the mass and burial:
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Faith Amolia Bubnick
Mass on June 4th, 2008 at 12pm
St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church
606 East Washington Street, Medina, OH 44256
Burial immediately following mass at Spring Grove Cemetery~Babies Section
*Post burial we would like to invite everyone for lunch at our home.
We thank you for your love and support during this challenging time.
Love-Bob, Meme, & Hayes
I’ll Hold You In Heaven
God knew my heart was breaking
How I felt so all alone,
When the angels came and carried you
My precious baby home.
For He let an angel stay behind
When they took you from my arms,
He lingered there to comfort me
Until the break of dawn.
He said God left an echo
To abide within my heart,
That will sing for you sweet lullabies
You’ll hear while we’re apart.
And what a gracious gift I have
To love you as I do,
You adorn my heart completely
With memories I have of you.
My eyes will not stay tearless
For here you could not stay,
But God gave me His promise
I’ll be with you soon one day.
I’ll hold you again in heaven
I’ll hold you in God’s own time,
Yes, I’ll hold you forever in heaven
Sweet precious baby of mine.
After FAITH
When Faith was born, there were multiple tests and blood work done on both of us. The placenta was sent to pathology, and Faith's body was sent for an autopsy to see if there was anything wrong (chromosomal abnormalities...anything that could explain her early birth and demise). The tests came back with revealing nothing...well almost nothing. There were no chromosomal abnormalities-so that wasn't something we could identify as a the reason. The placenta showed some clotting and infarctions, but apparently nothing that was alarming. We met with a specialist within the Cleveland Clinic-he was recommended by my OB/GYN at the time. We met with him for a specialist's consultation. We probably spent about 15 to 20 minutes with him at most. He was extremely clinical in nature and detached (which is expected and we were fine with at the time). The only thing they DID find was that I had a blood clotting gene mutation called Prothombin and it's Heterozygous. We were told that per the research and information medically documented, this particular blood clotting mutation does NOT cause losses or pre-term labor. The typical blood clotting mutation that is identified with losses is Factor V Leiden. Since my blood clotting mutation was different...and we had a healthy almost 2 year old....the doctor simply told us that Faith was a "fluke" and to take a baby aspirin a day the next time...but even that wasn't necessary. He did share that the timing of the loss (2nd trimester) was odd, and that they don't typically see it that often...especially with no chromosomal abnormalities, etc. THIS is ALL HE HAD TO SAY....and he sent us on our way to try and get pregnant again. I remember feeling extremely uneasy leaving his office-and extremely upset. I walked away knowing something was wrong.....but, medically we had doctors at the time that either didn't want to dig deeper..think outside the box....OR didn't know how to. I remember thinking there was a needle in the haystack and they just didn't know how to find it.....and......I didn't believe for one moment that Faith's early birth was a "fluke". I remember walking away with Bob....talking to him about how I felt...but both of us feeling like we did everything we could......all the testing.....the consultation with a specialist....etc. And, with grieving at the same time....we WANTED to believe the doctor....and we wanted to trust him....and trust that nothing would happen if there was a next time. I remember thinking.....I didn't trust the doctor and what he said.....but, that I'd have to put my faith in their theories...but put ALL my faith in GOD...and that maybe HE would carry us through and give us a miracle if there was a "next" time.
Our ROBBY
Despite feeling extremely scared....we decided to try again. We hoped and prayed that the doctor was right...even though it provided little comfort. We put our hope and faith in God....and tried to move forward. We were blessed and so fortunate to get pregnant again-and that in itself was a miracle to us...because we didn't take that for granted either. I kept the same OB I've had for years...she was with me with Hayes...and with Faith...and now this baby. I trusted her and I considered her a friend in a way. I didn't blame her-nor do I blame her today for anything...but I think there are certain doctors that are able to think outside of the box...and not accept the "standard" and even if it's digging just a little deeper...maybe it can make all the difference in the world.
The following are pieces of documents that I sent out to family and friends through the course of my journey with Baby Robby. We were in and out of the hospital in labor with him multiple times. It also just so happens that my Grandfather became ill while I was pregnant with Robby...and my Mother was in town from North Carolina for an entire week before she even told me she had been in Cleveland and was at the hospital with him the whole time. At the time, she said she didn't want to tell me because of the baby, but what she did NOT understand is NOT telling me caused much more stress than knowing he was sick could have ever caused. I share this piece...only because it was an incredibly stressful time...and it marked the eventual passing of my Grandfather. I got to see him in the hospital and then at the nursing home a couple of times...and then he was transferred to hospice on a Friday-I saw him that day...and he died the next day on Saturday. I went with my Mom to the funeral home that Sunday to help her with arrangements...and that was when bleeding/spotting became more significant and I started to feel tighting with the baby. I went into labor the next day for the first time with Robby.
October 23, 2008
Hello Friends & Family,
We wanted to keep everyone informed of what's been happening. We appreciate all your thoughts, prayers, calls, cards, emails, and concern. As most of you know, I went into pre-term labor at 3am on Monday, 10/13. At that moment I was 3 days shy of completing 16 weeks of the pregnancy. The time frame of the labor was just like with Baby Faith (2nd trimester-15/16 weeks), only this time the contractions slowed down a bit-and we were given a chance....we were given a gift.
I was 1cm dilated when we got to Hillcrest Hospital at 4:45am. We had to wait until 9am for the Perinatology office to open so that a specialist could do a sonogram and be able to see what else might be going on. Sure enough, 4 hours and 15 minutes after arrival my cervix was opened almost completely but not all the way effaced. The docs in Perinatology took the lead quickly and decided they would do an emergency cerclage, and begin a 48 hour cycle of a medication called Indicin which has been revealed through research to help women in earlier gestation to sometimes stop labor. They told us that if nothing was done, that my body would continue to labor and we would deliver our baby and the outcome for the baby would of course be fatal. They also told us there was no guarantee because my body could continue to be in labor, regardless of any medical interventions attempted. We also understood that a cerclage is not a traditional treatment/solution for pre-term labor. However, we wanted them to do anything possible-and to be aggressive with any treatments they could try in order to save the baby.
Fortunately, the operation was successful and they were able to put the cerclage in with little difficulty. The risks at that point, and in moving forward were: 1) cerclage wouldn’t work and my body would continue to be in labor/deliver baby 2) the medication wouldn’t work-and my body would continue to be in labor/deliver baby 3) Extremely high risk for infection since the cervix was open-and at any given time I could get an infection and that would be fatal for the baby because it would provoke labor/delivery with no ability to turn back/prevent it 4) Overall, my body just may continue to go into labor on its own regardless of the medical interventions executed 5) If I go into labor and we don’t get to the hospital in time, the stitching can rip the cervix-then the cervix is damaged.
We were so fortunate that my body seemed to react favorably to one, if not both of the interventions-and I was discharged from the hospital on 10/15 with no sign of infection-or any contractions. The next test we had to get through was leaving the hospital on Wednesday-and being off all medication.
I was discharged on 10/15 with orders of strict bed rest (only allowed to go to the bathroom, no driving, no going anywhere but doc appts, bed/couch-and stairs 1x in am-and then again at night-laying down or sitting up angled only a bit), and had a follow up appt with the doc scheduled for Friday, 10/17. I had signs of cramping all day on Friday, but no contractions. At that point, the doctor prescribed a weekly injection called P17/Progesterone. This is a controversial treatment that has been proven to help women with pre-term labor. The doc wanted me to start the injections ASAP-but it was after 5pm when they faxed it to the Aetna pharmacy (not readily available at your local pharmacies). Thus, we’d have to wait until Tues, Wed, or Thurs when Aetna could finally ship it.
Unfortunately, I went back into labor/contractions on 10/18, Saturday early morning at 4am. We spent the day at the hospital and they were able to try a third medication that day around 1pm, and finally the contractions subsided after 10 hours. At that point, they believed that the third med (Procardia) helped with stopping the labor-so they prescribed it on-going. We were happy about this-because we felt that med did help-and doing something was better than nothing. Procardia is normally used as a heart med. Recent studies have shown that this med can also help calm the uterine muscle (both the heart the uterus are similar smooth muscles). They also indicated that he Procardia could be used in partnership with the P17 shots-so this also made us happy.
This past Monday/Tuesday we had another scare with bright red bleeding. We went to my OB’s office on Monday with no real answers but indication through an exam that the cerclage was still in place. On Tuesday the bleeding continued and we went over to Hillcrest/Perinatology, and the specialist determined through a sonogram that there was a blood clot near the cervix-near the bottom area of the baby/placenta but not sure if it’s within the sac with baby-or outside. This was somewhat good news, because it was determined that this is where the blood was coming from. In other words, it wasn’t blood from being in labor or the cervix ripping from the stitches, etc. In addition, the cervix looked great and was not shortened, stitches in place, and the baby was wonderful-heart beating strong-and it appeared as though he was running in place-wanting to let us know he’s a fighter and he’s strong. YES-IT’S A BOY!!!!
I DID get my P17 injections/package in the mail on Tuesday-and the nurse was able to give me my first weekly shot. This was a big relief considering it can potentially help prevent the labor/contractions. A home care nurse will be coming out weekly to do the injections and take all vitals, as well as check on the baby’s heart rate/fetal monitor.
That brings us through today, 10/23-Thursday. Today completes our 17th week of pregnancy!!! We have been given so many miracles since everything started on 10/13 with this baby. We truly believe that everyone’s prayers have helped get us to this point. Baby Faith didn’t have the same chance as this baby. When I got to the hospital with her, it was too late-and I delivered her within 3 hours of arrival. While this journey has been difficult and we’re extremely scared……we have nothing to complain about….we’ve been given so much more than we had with Faith. We would do anything we could to save this baby, and I’d be happy to stand on my head for the next 17 weeks plus. My due date is April 2nd, but the hope would be to keep this baby alive and well inside of me through AT LEAST February 5th.
The doctors have made it VERY clear that there is no guarantee that any of the interventions will work, and that realistically my body could very well go back into labor and not stop; which I would then have to deliver the baby. At this point in gestation, the baby has no chance of survival. Realistically, an infant doesn’t have a decent chance of surviving until week 26. With that said, the baby would most likely have incredible physical, cognitive, and developmental problems-along with just the pure struggle of staying alive and surviving.
We are hoping and praying for continued miracles for this baby. We are praying that the contractions/labor do not come back. We are praying that my cervix stays shut with no change. We are praying that things stay calm-and that the blood clot won’t affect anything negatively. We are praying that the baby remains to be a fighter-and that his heart continues to beat strongly-and that he is healthy and lacking in nothing. We are praying that I go to term-and if not go as long as possible so that this baby has a chance. We are praying that we have the right doctors/medical team-and that all interventions will work successfully.
Many of you have asked a good question, why is this happening again-have they figured out what is causing me to go into labor so early? They don’t know why. In fact, as indicated with Faith-and even more so now….all the docs that have been involved to this point have told us over and over how extremely rare this is-and it’s not something they ever see. Why is it rare? 1) My history of a healthy pregnancy problem free to full term gestation 2) Pre-term labor happening during the 2nd trimester during the 15/16 week-is not common 3) Nothing was wrong with me per all the testing they did (no infection-no major diseases-etc) 4) Nothing was wrong with Faith-we had an autopsy done on her-and there were no chromosomal issues-no organ problems developmentally-no heart problems-etc.
During all my meetings with my OB previous to this pregnancy/after Faith, the discussion was-and her hope was that the situation with Faith would be one time thing. That’s because they never found anything wrong with me or Faith, which was good news. Yet at the same time, it meant there was nothing they could do because they didn’t know what happened. My doctor originally told me after I lost Faith, that I would have had a better chance to be hit by lightning-and it just didn’t make sense-they just didn’t see this type of thing. Well, now we’ve been hit by lighting twice-except the big difference is that this baby has been given a chance.
We are taking it minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. Each minute we have with this baby inside of me is a good one. We truly believe God has intervened, and we are hoping the miracles will only continue. Please keep praying, it makes all the difference in the world for us.
I know I’ve been delayed at getting back with some folks, and I apologize. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your cards, emails, phone calls, and visits. I promise I’ll start getting back with people SOON. We are hoping everything will calm down-and I’ll be on true bed rest without trips to the hospital every 3 to 4 days!
Thank you for all your concern and support! I’m not going anywhere-so feel free to call or email anytime!!! Bob and I are still debating over names-hoping to pick one SOON!
Love-Meme (& Bob)
November 1, 2008
Dear Family & Friends,
We struggle in finding the right words for this letter and update regarding our baby boy………Robby (Robert Carl III). It’s probably easiest for me to first bring everyone up to speed on this past week overall.
We ended up going back into labor/contractions this past Saturday night/Sunday (10/25 & 10/26). We got to Hillcrest Hospital early Sunday morning, and they were able to once again stop the contractions after eight hours with a terbutiline injection. This was one of the interventions they tried the Saturday before (at the hospital) that didn’t work. We were fortunate to have some familiar medical team faces when we were there-with knowing my history. Dr. Alvarez was on that morning-so it was extremely helpful in allowing us to walk away with yet another ounce of hope, encouragement, and a new discharge plan with a different set meds that could potentially help (Terbutiline oral PRN when contractions on-set). We were also told that the bright red bleeding would probably persist because of the clot they saw on the ultrasound machine on 10/21. We thought part of the clot had already worked itself out a few days earlier, but they said it would be normal to have the bleeding persist to some degree.
Monday night (10/27), we went to bed feeling thankful and blessed for having one more day with Robby with peace for the moment, the ability to breathe, no major events, no contractions, and no trips to the doctor or hospital. After going to bed at 11pm that night, a severe consistent stabbing pain (in the uterine area) woke me up at 1:15am (Tuesday, 10/28). It was a pain and a feeling that I had never experienced…….it wasn’t cramping….it wasn’t like a contraction-it was just a severe constant stabbing pain. I didn’t want to wake Bob up right away, so I got up and took a terbutiline pill-layed back down and prayed and prayed and prayed that it would stop…..prayed that the baby was ok….prayed that this wasn’t my placenta doing something wrong…….….prayed that it wasn’t my cervix……….prayed that the stitch stayed closed-and that it wasn’t anything to do with that……prayed that he would give this baby life on earth-prayed for the biggest miracle of all……….prayed for God’s mercy-and help for this baby……..prayed for him to save this baby and wait to be born in a time frame where he could survive. After 15 minutes the pain was just as intense as it was prior-I got back up put on a decent shirt-brushed my teeth-washed my face-and prepared myself as I did the times prior in the middle of the night to potentially go to the hospital. I laid back down trying to give the medicine the benefit of the doubt-and that was when Bob woke up. I told him what was going on-but I needed to give the meds a chance to work. We waited in bed still in pain-and finally about 30 minutes later the pain subsided-although I could still feel a slight line of irritation on the right side/area of my abdomen/uterine area. We tried to go back to sleep and managed to do so until we both woke back up at 5:30am and I took my dose of procardia (the other med I was taking for pre-term labor)-and then took another terbutiline in attempts to prevent any pain that might be coming again. The feeling/pain was slight at that point-and it appeared that the terbutiline helped and worked-again we were grateful.
We actually went back to sleep for a little longer-and started our day about an hour later on Tuesday, 10/28. I called Dr. Alvarez’s office at 8:30am to report the pain and find out what I should do. I received a call back from the nurse-she took the information-and then called back after talking to the doc. Since the pain was being managed at that point-and I seemed ok-it didn’t appear that any intervention was needed. They suggested to continue the terbutiline and report anything if I experienced any changes. The home health care nurse came out at 9am to give me my second P17 injection (another med that has been proven to help stop pre-term labor). She listened to the baby-he was good-and all seemed fine with me except what I reported from the night before.
My last dose of terbutiline was taken at 5:30am, and I wanted to refrain from taking it if I didn’t have any pain-just because the side effects are somewhat intrusive (racing heart, hands shaking, king of like feeling you’ve had 10 triple lattes from Starbucks). My pain level was pretty much a zero-except I could feel the slight line of discomfort in the same area from the night prior. I was in ok shape until about 2:20pm, and I started to feel some of the pain again-in the same exact place. About 2:30 the pain became more intense-and between 2:30pm to 2:45 the pain scale jumped from a 1 to a 10. At 2:45, it was obvious that I was having contractions-they were intense-and they were 2 minutes apart. I called Bob-and he prepped to come home-then I called the doctor and they sent a message for the same nurse to call me back. The nurse called back-and of course told me to come in to the office (which Dr. Alvarez’s office is right at the hospital-and it’s the perinatology office with eh high tech ultra sound machine, etc). Bob came home to get me, and we made it to the office at 4:30pm. At that point, the contractions became even more painful and intense and remained anywhere from 1 to 2 to 3 minutes apart.
Before leaving, and on our way to the hospital we did what we had done each of the three times prior in the past two weeks (5 times including the doc visits when we were concerned-and thought we might have to go the hospital): 1) we called Grandma LoLo to get Hayes (as she did each time-most of the times in the middle of the night-THANK YOU MOM & DAD) 2) we made sure we had the camera with us in case we delivered the baby we could take pictures (which we didn’t have or even know to do with Baby Faith) 3) we called the grandparents to let them know I was having contractions again-on our way to the hospital 4) we called the Wash family to ask for their prayers 5) we talked to each other to get on the same page-we prayed together-and prayed individually 6) we played the CD that my brother-in-law Tommy so kindly made for me from Audrey Caroline’s blog (Angie Smith who lost her baby)-worship music that brought such great comfort to me after the loss of Faith and in the present at that point during our time of healing and hope 7) each morning I made sure (not knowing what the day would bring) I put on my “Faith” & “Hayes” necklace along with the Miraculous Medal of Mary necklace that Mom/Lois gave to me at the beginning of my bed rest-a Novena to the baby to protect. Putting on my necklaces each morning probably compared to a sports fan thinking if you did the same ritual nothing would go wrong-that YOUR team would win-that it seemed to work before-so keep the same behavior in pattern-that putting on both necklaces each morning would make the baby and me ok…that Mary would protect us……….that Faith was watching down from heaven lending her support……….that the miracle of Hayes could give us hope for another great miracle in life 8) Bob put on his strong face each time and tried to remain positive for ME……..he tried to take on the fears and burden at that moment..........and put all of it on his back so I could focus on getting through the pain. All of this is what we did EACH time we went to the hospital/Doctors.
When we arrived at the office I hoped that not many people would be there given my display and displeasure with the pain. Oddly enough, only two people were there-and as I was wheeled in-it happened to be a gal in our perinatal loss support group and her mother (she is pregnant due in January). This was significant given our involvement in the support group to date (never missed a meeting until bed rest), and knowing and supporting each other through each of our losses. We both cried-and I explained to her I was yet again having contractions. She was a source of good distraction-and helped some of the time pass. I was taken back about 5:30 to see Dr. Alvarez. He did an ultrasound and the baby looked great-heartbeat was great-and the cervix from the inside also looked good. All good news. He knew and could see in my behavior that the contractions were different this time-more painful than before. He did an exam with the scope-and stitches were all in place. While doing the exam and looking at the ultrasound machine, a decent amount of bright red blood came out of me-causing the doctor to be and look somewhat puzzled and concerned all at the same time. Because everything looked good-he was unsure as to what was happening-and after the blood-he knew there was something going on that they hadn’t detected yet. He ordered us to go to Labor & Delivery immediately-and I was to get an IV with saline and an antibiotic. He also wanted me to have an immediate injection of the terbutiline. He ordered a clean cath test on my urine-because he thought there may be an infection that had not been detected yet (hoping might be the cause).
By the time we got up to L&D (6:15pm)-the contractions moved from a pain scale of 1 to 10 to eventually a 20 in my book. Unfortunately, there were no familiar medical faces this time around, and the nurses didn’t understand what was going on-even though we tried to articulate as quickly as possible what we thought was happening. They had a difficult time finding a vein-and couldn’t get the iv in-then the house doctor that was on that evening came in and said she was waiting for a call back to get the update-even though we tried to tell her the specifics. After the doctor left, and what seemed to be a lifetime of pain-contractions rolling on top of one another-I felt a big “pop”. I immediately told the nurses and one went to get the doctor. We weren’t sure if it was a stitch that popped-but then my water broke. At that point, we knew what was going to happen……..what had to happen……….the inevitable. Bob immediately started crying-and yelled at the nurses to get the doc and to get the stitch out NOW (otherwise my cervix would rip-and be damaged). The doctor stepped back in at that point-and we both told her I needed the stitch out NOW. They wheeled me into the OR at 6:55pm-and shortly after they gave me an epidural-then the doctor cut the stitch. In my life time, I never felt that kind of pain-the contractions (I was told later that the pain is worse because of the cerclage). I was out of it-but Bob knew our plan…….the doctor asked if I wanted to be put to sleep and I said absolutely not. She asked Bob during the process if we wanted her to take the baby then (while taking out the stitch), and he explained to her we did not-and that I wanted to deliver my baby. She shared that the chord was prolapsing-and that the placenta was actually separating (which isn’t normal-and some of the pain must have been because this was happening as well). The baby more than likely passed when this occurred (placenta detaching).
When they were done with the procedure and after she cut the stitches out-she said my cervix immediately dilated to 4 cm. They took me from the OR into a normal L&D room-where we waited to give birth to our baby. Because of all the meds in my system to try to stop the labor-it didn’t happen immediately. The house doc at that time talked to Dr. Alvarez-and she came back in and told me that he was on his way to the hospital so he could deliver the baby for us (which is what we so desperately wanted). For those of you that don’t know, Dr. Alvarez happened to be the house doc the day Faith was born-he delivered her-and was one of our gifts that day. They checked my cervix around 8pm and I was 7 cm dilated. Dr. Alvarez came at 8:20pm, he checked me-and then asked me to go ahead and push-and at 8:35pm we gave birth to our baby boy….Robby.
Because the placenta was detached it ended up coming out at the same time as the baby (which normally doesn’t happen that way-it’s a separate birthing process for the placenta). Immediately, the doctor noticed that the placenta didn’t look right….and even from our view point-Bob and I could see that there was something wrong with it (from seeing Hayes’ & Faith’s placentas). The doctor indicated that the placenta looked aged-and had clotting all over it (it’s supposed to look smooth and fresh). At that point, he determined that clearly something went wrong with the placenta, which more than likely was the cause of all the problems. This was a huge indicator given that we had no clue what happened with Faith……and that all the testing came back fine (including the placenta pathology from her). Of course, the process would be to run a tissue sample on the placenta-as well as pathology. These tests only indicate so much though-but should show if infection and some other specifics were present. If nothing shows (infection) on the pathology-the doctor is left having to do his own investigation of guessing and trying to figure out what happened.
When the doctor examined the baby-he appeared to be fine-and all was good with him-no obvious or overt notations or anything wrong with him. The medical staff stayed with us for a moment of time……Dr. Alvarez stayed with us for some time as well. Everyone was really kind at that point, and Dr. Alvarez was more than we could ask for-he was once again a gift to us in the midst of a very bad storm.
We spent about 30 minutes alone with Robby before the grandparents arrived (we called them to come up). Lois & Bob came up-and Dad baptized the baby for us. Mom held him-and their presence was so important to us-so important in validating Robby-and the only opportunity they would ever have to meet him. Dad & Charlene came up a few minutes after the Bubnicks left, and they too spent some time meeting Robby….and being there for us and supporting us. Charlene held him and talked to him so sweetly-kissed him and told him how much she loved him. I think everyone was so amazed on how perfect he was……how perfect he looked……….he was just small. He was 2 ½ weeks older than his sister…..and even that time duration made such a big difference in his maturity. His head was more in proportioned to his body, he had full cheeks (I hadn’t been skipping any meals), he had complete details of all his facial features, he was long, he had big hands and big feet like both his brother and sister, he had the wonderful Cerrito toe-where the second toe is longer than the bigger one-like mine, he had EVERYTHING, little nails, little toe nails, face perfect. He looked like Hayes to both of us-and he had Bob’s lips-my cheeks already. He had Hayes’ nose. We couldn’t believe how big his feet were though-and we knew he would have been a big baby.
We took our own pics with the camera-and tried to do the best we could before time started taking him. I had the nurses call an organization called, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS)-which is a non-profit national organization that professional photographers volunteer their time for-and actually go to the hospital when called to take pictures of the baby and family to give the parents something to have and hold onto for the rest of their lives. Dale Kincaid out of Broadview Heights was our photographer, and couldn’t have been any nicer or any more appropriate. He arrived at 10:15pm, and he spent over 1 hour ½ with us and the baby-and really worked hard to capture Robby for us. He even took pics while they did his foot prints-and covered as much as he could. They are very careful to be sure the photos are appropriate and tasteful………..all done in black and white-and air brushing applied, etc. We were so fortunate to have Dale take the pictures.
After Dale left, we both took our time with Robby together and separately until 2am. At that time, we were both exhausted-and Bob was ready to pass out (taking on the worries for both Robby-and for me the whole time). After Bob went to sleep, I kept the light on near my bed staring at Robby until 4am. I knew once I turned the light off……..once I went to sleep……that more time would pass………..and by the time I woke that morning…………he would be even more changed…….he would be slipping out of my hands………he would be leaving me. Robby got to sleep with me-and I kept him in my arms and next to me until the morning. The night nurse was wonderful, and she did take Robby for a little bit to get more pictures-and complete a memory box for him. When she brought him back he had a little tiny hat on, and a little tiny baby shirt on-in which she took some photos of him. She gave us the box in the middle of the night when I was still awake, and I waited for Bob to look at it.
We woke up around 8am-both out of it-and both devastated. Dr. Alvarez was in to check on me first thing that morning before office hours. We discussed the time frame for a follow up visit, and for my absolute need and desire to get to the drawing board and figure out what happened-and the quest to try to get some answers this time. He was extremely supportive, understanding, and in agreement with this pursuit in trying to figure out what went wrong. He and my other docs assured me that what happened with Faith, and now Robby had nothing to do with my age.
Two of the nurses, Sandy & Michelle from Dr. Alvarez’s office came over to see us that morning-and met the baby. Dr. Fisher (my primary OB) called that morning to express her sympathy. We talked about the details of the situation, and she made a good point. Since Robby was 2 ½ weeks older than Faith-and was kept inside of me only because of medical interventions with the cerclage and the various medications……..she wondered if Faith’s placenta might have looked the same way if we were able to maintain her longer. This was a significant point; although none of the tests done on Faith or me at the time revealed anything. My gut is telling me that since infection never showed with Faith, with her placenta, or with me at the time…….even though Robby’s placenta was a mess-obviously had something wrong with it……….I just wonder if anything will show given that they only test for so many things. We are praying that Robby’s life might justify his death in at least revealing what went wrong this time (what went wrong last time). Again, the docs indicate that they so rarely see my situation-given my history and pregnancy with Hayes. None of it makes sense to them-and it’s a mystery.
Bob and I took the time to go through the memory box that was made for us-and went through every detail while I held Robby in my arms. They did an un-official birth certificate for Robby with his weight, height, and other details. They made up hospital bands with his name on it, there was a poem in the box, and then another small card with a poem-and behind that they had his beautiful foot prints on three spots on the front and back. There was also a tiny baby blanket and hat under everything. Earlier that night I received a hand knitted pastel color (tiny blanket with a bow) made my “Threads of Love” (another volunteer/non-profit group that donates the blanket). That morning Carol Hurst came in to see us and spent a moment. Carol is a nurse at Hillcrest, and helps to run the support group with Casey for perinatal loss that we’ve been attending since Faith passed. She brought us a “Peace Bear” which is another non-profit organization that a Mom & Dad started after losing their daughter, and wanted to help other parents in easing some of their pain. The bear is meant for a Mom to hold onto while leaving the hospital and thereafter so their arms are not completely empty.
After my blood was drawn (to do more tests) on Wednesday (10/29), we got to spend the rest of the morning with Robby. We handed him over to the nurse almost exactly 15 hours later at 11:30am. I was wheeled down to the lobby just like with Hayes, and just like with Faith-but without anything in my arms, and then now with Robby…but this time holding onto the bear and with the memory box in my lap. Handing another baby over and not being able to take him home was devastating. We felt like we were abandoning our son…..that we were leaving him. The bear was a wonderful thing to have, but it was the most difficult time-and as I waited for Bob to pull up with the car-and the nurse was behind me-I had stopped crying-and took a deep breath…until a man walked in and walked by me with an infant car seat. At that point, I lost it-and broke down the entire way home.
We apologize, because we didn’t have the energy or ability to call everyone-or email any sooner than this. We’ve spent Wednesday night through today-Saturday trying to figure out how to cope-how this happened again-how to grieve….now losing our second baby…when we were told Faith was a fluke from what they could tell……that I had a better chance to be hit by lightning…..that sometimes things happen that can’t be explained……but we would hopefully be ok the next time. We trusted in that and tried to embrace that THIS baby would be ok. My gut and my heart told me something different the whole time, but I put my trust in God, the doctors, and tried to be sure I did exactly what I was told-and took care of myself for the baby.
They expedited the autopsy and Waite & Son Funeral Home in Medina actually picked Robby up Wednesday night. We talked to the gentleman we worked with before for Faith’s burial-and asked if we could work with him once again. We signed the paper work for cremation on Thursday afternoon, and believe it or not-they called us at 3:30pm yesterday (Friday) and told us they had our son back and he was ready to be picked up. Bob picked him up right away, and he’s been back with us since 4:30pm yesterday. This was a huge gift-because we waited for Faith for almost 1 ½ months from the other funeral home. At this point, we’ve decided to bury Robby with Faith, each of them having their own box in the ground with their remains-and a couple of other things. We’ll have to get a new headstone-and we’ll put both their names on it with their dob/dod. We would like to do the same thing we did with Faith’s service-and have a private mass, and bury him on his due date, 4/2/09.
We will pursue everything we can in trying to find out what went wrong-and what can be done at this point to fix it. The thought of going through this a third time….of losing another baby in the same way-delivering my baby-holding my baby-and having to say goodbye to my baby is unbearable and I don’t know that we can take a risk in this happening all over again. However, we’d like to pursue things leaving no stone unturned. One reason being selfish in nature on our part……and that is the desire and pure desperation for wanting another child………..wanting Hayes to have a sibling……….to be a big brother, the other reason is not as selfish…….and that’s the desire and need to not have Faith and Robby’s deaths be for nothing. The desire to honor them, and to do something for them considering what they went through-and to make a difference for them.
We thought our hearts were broken before………….while we knew life could always be worse…and we made sure we were aware and appreciated everything we had and have…………we are left this time with a different kind of hopelessness………..an uncertainty of how life is going to be now………feeling beaten up and truly sick…….and praying for peace….praying for answers…..and praying for balance for our family.
Hayes has been through a lot these past three weeks, but he understands as much as he possibly can at his age. Grandma LoLo & PaPa were significant in the care of Hayes during our chronic trips to the hospital and the on/off contractions-and Mom tried to make things normal for Hayes-and gave him oodles of attention-THANK YOU! Hayes and I started listening to the heart monitor weeks ago (even though you couldn’t hear the heart on my monitor), BUT we could ALWAYS hear Robby moving-especially when I pressed on my tummy to wake him up. It was a ritual every night-and most mornings that we had with him. Hayes referred to him as “the Baby” until we found out his sex…….and then it was “Baby Brother”. We picked up Hayes from Lois & Bob’s house Wednesday on our way home from the hospital, and as I cried when I was hugging LoLo before leaving……..Hayes said in only the way a 2 ½ year old can, “Mommy sad……mommy crying”……….then went on to look me in the eyes and started smiling at me-and laughed. I asked him if he was trying to get me to smile…..and he said, “yes mommy smile”. We went to the store to get not only a “Baby Faith pink” (as Hayes now refers to the color pink whenever he sees it) balloon, but now a baby blue balloon for Baby Robby. Hayes got his normal red (which is what I get him when we do a balloon for Faith). We took both balloons to the cemetery to Faith’s spot-and we said a prayer for both babies-we asked Faith to look after her little brother-and we prayed that he was safe and would be safe in God and Jesus’ arms. Hayes released Faith’s balloon first, then released Robby’s balloon.
In Loving Memory of our baby - Robert ("Robby") Carl Bubnick III
October 28, 2008 Tuesday at 8:35pm
Length: 7 1/2 inches & Weight: 6.3 ounces
Thank you to everyone for your support, love, understanding, cards, gifts, meals, flowers, emails, and for YOUR PRAYERS. We don’t know what we’d do without the support from our family and friends. We’ve also been so fortunate to have some really great doctors and nurses through all of this.
Love,
Bob, Meme, Hayes, Baby Faith, & Baby Robby
ROBBY'S BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT - sent out with Christmas cards 2008
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March 19, 2009
Dear Family & Friends,
We first want to thank all of you for your thoughts, prayers, and genuine support during such a difficult time. These last few months have been challenging ones, but we are trying to work through the grieving process the best we can.
Robby was cremated, and has been with us since the beginning of November. As it was with Faith, we are so grateful to have Robby back with us, but we know it’s time to put him to rest and give him the peace he deserves. While it will be extremely difficult to let him go, we will bury him on his estimated due date of the pregnancy. He will be buried with his big sister, Faith.
We understand our circumstances are extremely rare, and going through it a second time has basically left us speechless to some degree. Going through the labor process, having Baby Robby with me 3 weeks longer than I had Faith, and giving birth to our third child, and being able to hold him, spend so much time with him, and to see his whole and complete body...all the exact little details...with his tiny fingers, toes, and facial features was truly a gift.
We want everyone to know we appreciate everything, and by no means do we want anyone to feel obligated to attend the mass and burial. However, we felt such great support from many of you-and thought it would be appropriate to invite those we love.
If you are able to attend, the following are our plans for the mass and burial:
Robert (Robby) Carl Bubnick III
Mass on Thursday April 2nd, 2009 at 12pm
Saint Francis Xavier Church
606 East Washington Street, Medina, OH 44256
Burial immediately following mass at Spring Grove Cemetery across the street
Babies Section
Post burial we would like to invite everyone for lunch at our home.
We thank you for your love and support during this challenging time.
Love-Bob, Meme, & Hayes
To The Child in My Heart
Precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.
We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.
I'll always be your mother.
He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.
But now you're gone...but yet you're here.
We'll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy.
There's love in every tear.
Just know our love goes deep and strong.
We'll forget you never -
The child we had, but never had,
And yet will have forever.
MY MOM
My Mom is a survivor, or so I've heard it said.
But I hear her crying at night when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom, who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for ohers...a smile of disguise.
But through Heaven's door I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows it is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom...through Heaven's open door.
I try to tell her that angels protect me forever more.
But I know that doesn't help her or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...And show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...no matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart that time won't ever heal!
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