Waiting To Exhale: June 2016

Posting my FB post as my 1st post on my blog …. it's been 5 1/2 years since I've written on here from my heart … from my soul …. I'm ready to start writing again …… THANK YOU TINA!!!!

THIS INCREDIBLE WOMAN has been an inspiration to me since I met her this past year on her son Ryan's birthday, 12.7.15. She is launching 52 weeks of gratitude on her 52nd birthday. She has inspired me to start writing again, and she has motivated me in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. Writing has been a passion of mine since I was a kid. I joke that my FB is my "FB Blog", because I tend to live out loud on it - I document Hayes & Hope … but I document my journey with the babies as well. I tend to live out loud. I am a documenter, and I like to have something to look back on …. ESPECIALLY when it comes to my chicklets. I am going to take on this 52 weeks of Gratitude. I also opened my blog back up today after 5 1/2 years of not writing on it. I had intended on doing it sooner than this after meeting Tina, but I was scared it would bring up lots of sad and upsetting memories that also made me very angry back then and lots of things unresolved which would never be resolved. Fortunately, the years and time allows separation to happen - but I CAN remember things as if they were yesterday. I shut the blog down back then because of some family members that behaved badly …… with us. All of it surrounds the impending birth of our Baby Hope … here SHE was about to be born … after losing 2 babies …. and she was on her way … everything looking good … she seemed healthy …. she seemed to be ok…. but STILL SO MUCH of the unknown on what would happen with her. Unfortunately, instead of focusing on Baby Hope and what we needed during this journey, there were lots of folks that made it about them. They couldn't just LET US BE …. they couldn't just let us do what we needed to do. They made it about them, sadly and tragically really. So I did all I could do at the time, and I SHUT DOWN … I shut myself off and decided to turn the blog off. I suppressed all those feelings and didn't write about any of it. I kind of regret reacting this way - and allowing other people to control me. But,  I just did what I needed to do at the time to survive. Well, it's been 5 1/2 years now, and THIS IS MY LIFE. This is MY STORY. And if you behaved badly…. in MY story, we give you grace … but it's part of my journey. Good or bad …. it made an impact … obviously. Wouldn't it be great if people actually had the ability to self actualize. It's RARE. It's probably good that I'm starting to write again now vs then … because the steam has subsided and I have grown even as a person. It was heartbreaking, disappointing, and devastating at the time …. especially when we should of been completely focused on Hope and her up-coming birth. Yet, it was REVEALING and people showed us their TRUE colors. We learned more than we could ever want to know about the folks who were supposed to love us unconditionally. While tragic, it was the truth … and it allowed us to re-focus and understand how we needed to live our lives and how we needed to focus on the folks that loved us right where we were at.

"Do your thing. Do it unapologetically. Don't be discouraged by criticism. You probably already know what they're going to say. Pay no mind to the fear of failure. It's far more valuable than success. Take ownership, take chances, and have fun. And no matter what, don't ever stop doing your thing." ~ Asher Roth

WEEK 1 ~ 52 WEEKS OF GRATITUDE CHALLENGE

I am starting this challenge - 52 WEEKS OF GRATITUDE - because of Tina Wallace Zarlenga. I want to start writing again and I want to FEEL life in detail... every angle… every morsel … the good and the bad. And I want to focus on being STILL and appreciating all that's in front of me. Thank you Tina 